Why Mustard Caps are Important

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

I’ve wanted to knock this one out for some time but needed a few moments for research. The latest innovation in bottled fluids is a total failure. I’m talking about French’s Mustard.

A few years ago, the cone cap went to a snazzy new silicone nipple design. Read about it here: News Perspective 07/02 .

Perhaps the biggest breakthrough in the new package design, however, is the bottle’s closure, created by French’s packaging engineer, Dave Maus, specifically to address the issue of crusty caps. Explains Veriga, “The cap incorporates a silicone valve that creates a vacuum seal that sucks the mustard back into the bottle after use.” Advantages, he says, include fresher mustard, less dripping and the elimination of the “gook” on the cap.

I enjoy mustard on bologna, hot dogs, burgers, fries, and use it for cooking. But the recent nipple design is hard to squirt, inaccurate, blobs around the nipple, and is even more crusty than the cone design. People complained about the cone design because regular use left a crust at the rim. But all you had to do was thumb the thing or wipe it off with a napkin.

Why is this a problem: because the latest from Microsoft will not download and update a machine with ease and simplicity (and why must it cost money?), and as everyone knows, mustard and Microsoft are ubiquitous. Just ask the recent apple commercials.

Simplicity of use and design is always an excellent standard to work from (and end with). The subject may be mustard bottles or rockets. Either way, a re-design (Dell) shouldn’t be so blatantly neglectful and absurd as to result in the very thing a company (or country, for that matter) tries to avoid: BS.

I want my cone mustard bottle back and my 8100 keyboard planted onto a new, slimmer, lighter, and sleeker PC, else I’m dashing for the smaller, sleeker, lighter (yet given to smudge) black MacBook (because the MacBook Pro is too damned big. It’s a laptop for bleep’s sake).


5 responses to “Why Mustard Caps are Important”

  1. Josh says:

    James Burke would be proud of your little Connections episode here lol!

    And I agree: I hate the French’s mustard cap… and the “squeezable” relish… anything with “instant”… and anyway. Good post!

  2. Mark says:

    My girlfriend just got the new MacBook last night! Super cool. It makes my ibook look like a mustard packet ! Welcome to the hip side. One of us, one of us.

  3. susan says:

    Buy Plochman’s. It has the cone top and is still of the soft plastic that can be squeezed to get all the mustard out–unlike many of the new containers, like the small Heinz Ketchup that stands on its head, yet can’t be squeezed to finish up the last precious plops of ketchup. Honestly, I believe that the only design engineers for home products should be people who use the stuff.

  4. Steve says:

    Mark,

    It’s just a computer, dude. But, I agree that the MacBook is probably the best laptop on the market. My wife loves her’s. But what about that smudging?

    Josh,

    I love Burke’s hair.

    Susan,

    The ketchup bottle tells us so much about western culture, doesn’t it.

  5. Mark says:

    You say that now. But wait untill you see the Comic Life program it comes with!